happy birthday

Well I am a year older and just had my 10 year High School Reunion and my dad got re-married the same weekend
for a second time. Talk about one set of emotional highs and lows and every thing in-between all jammed in to
a few days. For the first time ever I did not care I was getting older or even having a birth day, since the birth of
my baby I just want to do and get things for her- oh its my birthday, ok, what do I want for gifts nothing really for me, I did not want anything that I knew of since I felt that I had the best gift in my wife and baby. Little did I know I was going
to get one of the best gifts in my life, one that I did not know how much I needed and wanted.
Well on to the trip, I see my mom and she and Bella play and have a great time. It was good to see her and since she was going to have to baby-sit her on sat, all the better that they were having so much fun. After hanging out with her we left
to go over to my Dads house and meet for the first time Karla and Elizabeth, my dads new wife/step mom for me and my new
step sister, they would meet my wife and baby and all at the same time they are franticly trying to get everything ready for
the service and receptions (family and then for all the people that work for my dad).

I have been dreading this for months, I did not want to like Karla or even see my dad really or any of my family. See my dad had been with a person for along time that I did not like and after years of dealing with her I had grown to accept her but never felt for one second that I was ever going to be anything other than just my dads son. She had kids and I liked them and got along fine but it never felt like there was more there, fine that is ok or I had thought so. Well when my dad finally left her and the true ugliness of her showed and I was so happy for my dad to be free of her, he was calling me more and said he would come and be here for the birth of my baby. Wow! I felt like I had my dad back for just me, and I would get to see him more and talk with him, I had missed him and I did not know how much.....then he tells me about Karla and her daughter and how happy he is and I can see that he is happy, truly happy like I had not seen in a long time. I was happy for him and then I thought about it and was really mad, I had just gotten him back and now he is finding a new family again to be with, a new kid he has to take care of and they get his attention and love and get to be with him and I go back to not really having him again.

Fast forward to now, We show up at the house and see my dad, he is so excited to see us and he looks great! I still have not met Karla or Elizabeth yet as they were out but I knew was going to not like them, I was wanting to just hate them for taking my dad from me but I could not do it. You have to understand that my dad had smoked and drank for years and was drinking more and more and I was worried for him but he was the one that had to change himself no one could do it for him. Well he did change after he started seeing Karla again-for her he wanted to change he quit drinking, quit smoking and is feeling so good his gray hair is turning brown again he is getting younger-well I guess I will be nice to this woman since she is making my dad so happy. Then in more moves of niceness that make me really just not be able to dislike her if I had tried , she put her dog in boarding so that we would not have to worry about the dog and our baby! Oh my god how nice and considerate, who is this lady and how is she so nice? She and her daughter get home and are so excited to see us and meet us and with in a few hours of meting and talking with them and having dinner with them it was all I could to not to just shout and yell that I love them. I think in life there are people you meet that you have known before, that your heart all ready has a place waiting for them to fill when you see them again- I have felt this way with my wife Jennifer and with my baby and a few close friends and when I let my self be open to Karla and Elizabeth they just fit in to place in my heart, like they had been missing and were found and I was so happy to have them in my life, not a step mom or step sister but a second mother and a true sister. I do love them and they are family. This trip is turning out ok and I soften and feel good to be home and the stress and weight lift off of me..

Friday is reunion time and a causal bbq at our high school-I got to see so many people that I did not expect to see and at the same time the ones that I knew were going to be there and I had wanted to see, I did not realize how much I had missed them.
The group of people I spent time with the most and for a better part of 3 years lived with when working with them behind the scenes at play after play at the theatre, were all there. Our teacher even showed up because she missed us as well and it was so great to see every one and meet their wife/kids/etc. My body felt 17 again, the feeling and reactions going on inside me was not describable but it was fantastic. My wife and baby got to meet these people that I had talked about allot over the last 8 years and it was a trip to see my old friends and my wife and baby all in the same place. I saw girls that I had crushes on and girls was good friends with and then I looked back at my wife and thought how lucky I was that she and I had found each other because she was like 3 or 4 of those girls I liked all in one person, smart, sexy, pretty, creative,nice,caring and my friend. The guys that I had been friends with have all done well and to see the people you like succeed in life makes you feel good, validating that good people do good things even though when your in the middle of school you feel like your on the outside, looked down upon if your creative or smart or different than the group around you-something that once you get out of school is celebrated and allows you to grow and shape your life instead of having to feel like you are just a sheep following along with every one else.

How amazing a turnaround this trip was! It started off being something I did not want to do, no not just did not want to do but dreaded going to do. If I could have just stayed home and hid from the world I would have. How sad and disappointing that would have been knowing what I know now.

Saturday was my dads wedding and reception, Karla and Dad had all ready been married but today was for the family and friends and done in a church. I was his best man and Elizabeth was Karla's best woman:) I cried more than any one during the ceremony when Karla told my dad that she had always loved him and never stopped loving him since they had first met when they were younger (18/19) and I lost it, just started crying and could barley stop. I knew right then that this was real and it was ok that I love them and that they loved my dad. It is so hard to be a child and see your parent re-marry because of some many things but this time it felt right and I was so happy and full of love for my dad. He needed this, he needed them both in his life and I was starting to understand why but I did not know how much until later that weekend.
The rest of the day was full of eating and hanging out with family and having fun, then that night we left Bella with
her grandma and went to the HS reunion dinner where more people had come that did not make it to the BBQ. It was such a
different experience than I was expecting but all in a good way. Later that night we picked up our baby and went back to my
dads house, Dad and Karla did not get home until late and we stayed up talking about their second party for the day- an event that could easily talk up a few pages of description on its own.

Sunday we woke up early and went to the fine arts building at my high school where all of us guys from tech theatre met up with their families and our teacher and friend Mrs. Moran let us in to look around our old stomping ground. The smell of the
art room and seeing all of us in that place again just opened the flood gate of old memories and feelings of being there
day after day and night after night working on sets or lights or shirts:) the smile just would not leave my face. The funniest
thing was that there were still posters and artwork and little bits of stuff we had all put up on the walls in the
lighting and sound booth that were still there,10 years later! How anything at a HS lasts 10 years with out kids
changing it or just wrecking it blows my mind but there it was- further making me feel like I had just traveled back in time but I got to bring my wife and baby with me and let them share in the experience. I am so thankful and grateful to Moran and her class for keeping us out of trouble and giving us a safe place to grow and live and experience something wonderful.
Really Great teachers never get enough credit or money or respect but they should. If there was some way to give back to her
the same things she gave to us, to me I would do it; I try to make sure that she knows how much she affected my life for the
good and show her respect by doing well in my life and art career, I hope its enough and if I could I would do more.

Sunday started great and got better and better, Happy Birthday ` week/weekend to me! Jenn and Bella and I got to have lunch with Dad and Karla. Getting to know her better was great, its nice to talk with some one who you feel like you have always known because its easy and effortless to just talk openly and with out a feeling like your having to pretend to be someone else.
The more I learn from her and dad about each of them the more I respect and like and love them. My new family! a real family one that was always there but just now shows up. I was an only child and Elizabeth was an only child and I know how hard that can be and how great it can be, how lonely and how freeing...but if I ever were to have had a sister I would want her to be Elizabeth. I know she has to still get to know me and I don't know how she feels about everything but I hope she would feel the same way about me. I did not know it until I met her but she had a space all ready in my heart that she fit
perfectly in to. I felt like I could be myself and she would like me, the same with Karla.

So Sunday went by and the trip that was so dreaded turned in to a great trip that was going to be to short. I was still
feeling sad about losing my dad though and because Karla and Elizabeth were so great it almost made it worse because I thought well dad will really want to spend time with them and I don't get to be apart of that. That night we were all getting ready for bed and had been up talking and having a great time playing with Bella and just enjoying getting to be all together. Right before Karla went to bed she and Jenn and I were talking and she was telling us how much my dad loved me and how much he missed me and had talked about me and how proud he was of me and I just started crying. I knew this but did not understand why my dad could tell every one else but would not tell me...well Jenn tells Karla that I was the one that Dad need to tell this to and she just took me in to my dad and said you two need to talk! God in one instant my life was changing because of this amazing woman. I was in tears and just looked at my dad and told him what I had needed to say for a long time
and we talked and things that both of us felt but would not or could not say got said. I finally had my father back not just a dad but my father that I needed and loved and missed. So many things inside me changed that night. All of it could have been different had we gone to bed a second earlier or if Karla would have said something else than what she said! I can not thank her and Elizabeth enough for not only the love they have for my father but for letting him come back to me. The best present I have ever gotten for my birthday was to get my dad back. I knew then that they were not going to take him and his love away from me but they were making it stronger and allowing him to love and live again and they wanted and were making it
possible for him to be my real father and dad again. The one that I did not know I was missing, that I did not know I needed until that night. It allowed me to be ok with myself and proud of myself and best of all freed me to allow myself to start
being the father to my daughter that I needed/wanted/can be with out so much of the fear I had before.

That is how life is so amazing and how a weekend that I was scared to face turned out to be the weekend that
would grow and change my life for ever.